Well, here goes nothing...

    So I’ve been thinking… As Christians, what if we’ve largely made this life, what it means to be disciples of Christ, into something it really isn’t? What if life with Jesus is about a lot less than we think, and yet, still more than we can even imagine? Are we really living for the Kingdom? Or are we just kidding ourselves? We know we aren’t perfect, but just how skewed is our perception of God, His will, ourselves and, well, everything?

    I propose that not only our lives themselves, but everything of which our lives consist has far more purpose and value than we tend to credit… In our outlook and worldview, we’ve put a limit on God, who He is, where He is and what He does. Perhaps we’ve followed the world and our culture a bit more than we would like to admit, and in doing so I’m convinced that we’ve fallen for an illusion. Whether knowingly or not, we believe that we can serve two masters.

    While we think we are doing our best to live for Christ, in reality I think we’ve made our lives to be mostly about us, including our “service” to God. We’ve made it about our dreams, gifts and passions rather than the Giver of those things. We go to church. We sing the worship songs. We maybe serve in one or even multiple ministries. We give our money and our time. We read our Bibles (at least occasionally). We live generally “good” lives, maybe going out of our comfort zones for the Lord every once in awhile if the opportunity slaps us in the face and the weather is right. With all that we tend to feel one of two ways. On one hand we may feel pretty good about our “walk with God”. We think we could probably do better, but we’re doing better than most and God is being glorified. On the other hand some of us may feel that through those things we can earn God’s love and grace, and we are struggling to “measure up”. I’m not saying that doing all that stuff is bad or that God isn’t using it for His glory in some form or fashion (probably in completely different ways than we think). God can use people and our actions to accomplish what He wants to accomplish, no matter where our hearts lie in the matter. And all those “good Christian things” CAN all be actually really good. What I AM saying is I think the majority of our time, even in doing those things, is likely spent thinking and doing for ourselves, and we don’t even recognize or acknowledge how incredibly lazy and self-centered we are.

    In the name of putting Jesus first, we’re often calling the shots. We choose our emotions and desires over Truth or sometimes even mistake them to be God’s will and the Holy Spirit’s guidance. We’re insensitive to our own selfishness and depravity; however, when we do see it, we often use God’s abundant grace as a crutch rather than the powerful awe-inspiring gift that it is. It seems to me that a vast majority of us have fallen the way of ignorant hypocrisy or (say it isn’t so!) lukewarm mediocrity. When you look at our lives and church culture, specifically and especially in America, we tend to reflect more of this world than we do Jesus. That’s proof to me that our hearts and minds are foolishly set more on ourselves and this world than on God and His Kingdom. Sadly, many of us may even realize that full well, and we just choose not to think about it or do anything to change it.

    My goal with this blog is to get others and myself thinking, to spur us on to seek what is behind the illusion, to discipline our minds and set them on things above (Col. 3). I long to live for Christ as if I truly believe everything I claim to believe. I want to serve Him alone and not myself or this life on earth. I want to see God as big enough to be in all the little things. ALL OF THEM. I want to instantly recognize when I am being duped by my sin nature and the father of lies. I want Jesus to saturate every inch of my life. I want to continually view God as bigger and bigger and myself as smaller and smaller, so that I may see the power of Jesus’ death and resurrection as greater and greater. I want to look up. Look up! I want to be so in tune with God that I don’t even hesitate when His Spirit leads me. Like a runner in a marathon, running with eyes fixed on the sky and hands raised, trusting the Lord alone to guide every step.  I know we’re not going to reach perfection this side of heaven, but we can reach for the Perfector. As other Christ followers have done for me, my hope is that, through this blog, my own personal musings on various topics will prompt others to evaluate their own hearts and lives, seeking to look up and know more of true reality- more of who God is and His purposes for us here and now. Rather than immediately agreeing or disagreeing with me, I would love if people came away from each blog post thinking, “Hmm. Maybe so…” and then continue to contemplate and pursue Truth along with me.

    My hesitation to even start this is thinking- “Psh… What do I even know?? And what do I think that’s even worth writing about? Why would anyone take the time to read what I have to say, anyway? Never mind that I haven’t really written in years and this is going to be grammatically awful!”- and other such thoughts... (I have this vision of my former 9^th & 10^th grade writing teacher reading this and just shaking her head… Silly, I know, but she is someone who has always encouraged and inspired me and whose opinion I really value). The truth is I DON’T know a whole lot, and I’m going to try not to pretend to… Also, most people WON’T take the time to read, and yeah, it’s probably going to have a TON of grammatical errors… My former teacher may indeed read this and just shake her head… (Although, she did give me 99% on a paper all about how I eat a Reese’s peanut butter cup, so who knows? :p).

    The other side of the truth is that people have always told me I need to write, and now I feel compelled to do so and to share that writing. Those hesitating thoughts are actually fear thoughts: fear of rejection, fear of disappointing people, fear of wasting time, fear of being wrong, fear of being misunderstood, fear of imperfection, etc. In fact because of those dominating fear thoughts, I’m inclined to think that my compulsion to write and share is in fact the Holy Spirit prompting me. And if that’s the case, who cares what I actually know??? The thing about knowledge is it’s more about the seeking and the learning than it is about the knowing. So that’s what I’m going to do- seek and learn and seek some more, sharing and begging God for wisdom along the way. James 1:5 says, “But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all generously and without reproach, and it will be given to him.” I’m going to trust that God is faithful in that, and I’m not going to worry about what you think of me. Instead, I’m going to strive to be obedient. Maybe God will use what I write to affect you in some way or maybe He’s just going to use this thing to grow me. I don’t know. It’s not my responsibility to know. It’s my responsibility to obey, and He will reveal His secrets as He sees fit. All to Him be the glory. So here goes nothing… Or maybe a special something…     

Hmm. Maybe so…

-B