In congruence with last month’s, this post is going to delve
a bit deeper into our problem of selfishness and how to begin remedying it. I
believe the first step in setting our minds on things above is to realize just
how much they are not. In other words consciously taking note of just how
incredibly selfish we are. If we don’t take the time to realize that, we remain
trapped in ignorance and resistant to change.
Selfishness is ingrained in our flesh. It’s the thing that
clouds our vision and makes what the world has to offer more attractive than
the eternal. The first sin that brought the fall was a desire to be more, have
more. We want to be equals with God. We want to dictate the ‘who, what, when,
where, why, how’ of every part of our lives. Our American culture is no help in the matter,
further pushing the mentality of “I want. I need. I deserve. I should have. Now.”
Sin, in my mind, is fully synonymous with selfishness. That single word in and
of itself seems to be the root of all of our problems. Every crime and sin I
can think of has selfishness at its core- pride, lying, lust, murder, adultery,
gluttony, assault, stealing, idolatry, coveting, abuse, cheating, addiction, and
the list goes on…
In obsession with ourselves, we idolize our desires, rights,
emotions, and ego. We think about how we look and want to look. We think about
the things we have and don’t have, want and don’t want. We think about how to
make our lives easier and more comfortable. We compare ourselves to everyone
around us. We think about all the things we do for people and all the things we
wish people would do for us. We think about what others think of us and about
what others think we think of them. We think about our successes and failures
and about how hard we work. We think about all the things we deserve or how we
don’t measure up. We think, “I, I, I. Me,
me, me”, and these thoughts direct our actions. Sure, we think about other
things and people, but even those thoughts often just come down to how those
things and people affect us. Which
makes me wonder… When we do things to “love others”, are we genuinely caring
for them? Or do we just care about what they think of us?
For the purpose of this post, I spent last week actively
searching my heart and consciously calling myself out on all the times I
noticed that I put self-interest above God and others. Let me just say, because
of that week, the paragraph above was SUPER easy to write. I am guilty of it
all (and I thought I was doing so well! Haha, if you ever think that, you might
want to check yourself… :p). As much as I have grown in my faith, I still (far
too often) fall for that illusion that I can serve God and myself at the same
time. But because I was diligent in being watchful last week, I was able to
choose to continue in those selfish thoughts or to fix my eyes on my Creator
and His will. I’ll say I didn’t always make the right choice. I probably didn’t
make the right choice most of the time, BUT I took a big step out of my
comfortable ignorance. Because of that step, I was convicted and was able to practice
a thing called self-forgetfulness, which STINKS. It is unnatural and,
therefore, very difficult. It’s true what they say, ignorance is bliss. But the
pursuit of Truth and setting the mind on the things above is so worth it. It
brings more than mere bliss. It brings true joy. And freedom.
The freedom of self-forgetfulness, it’s a beautiful thing.
In Tim Keller’s book, conveniently titled The Freedom of Self-Forgetfulness,
he starts by talking about traditional and modern views of self-esteem. He says,
traditionally, thinking too highly of oneself is blamed as the cause of all the
evil in the world; however, in our modern western culture it is thought to be
the opposite. Thinking too lowly of oneself causes the problems and drives
people to discontent and evil acts, so the cure-all is to raise self-esteem. (This
type of thinking is very evident in our judicial system along with modern
teaching and parenting styles, but lets not get into that.) Keller argues that
whether we tend to think highly or lowly of ourselves, the cause of our problems
is the same- thinking of ourselves. And the remedy? Well, most of us have heard
the saying- “Don’t think less of yourself, think of yourself less.” Keller uses
a passage in 1 Corinthians to make a great case for this, as well as to describe
the condition of the human ego and explain the transformed view of self. He
clearly puts into words things that I’ve been learning a lot over the past
several years. It’s a very concise and thought-provoking book that I strongly encourage
you to read. While I’m tempted to just fill this blog with a bunch of quotes
from the book, I’m going to try to put into words my own thoughts on the
subject of self-forgetfulness. Let’s briefly look at common thoughts on both sides
of self-esteem:
When we have a low self-esteem, we have thoughts like: No one understands me. No one loves me. I am
not worth your time. I am a terrible person. I wish so and so would pay
attention to me. God doesn’t listen to me. I do things for people, but they
won’t do for me. I am small and ineffective. God has not gifted me. I wish I
was like so and so or had such and such. I am not beautiful. I am not strong.
No one wants me. People are better off without me. I don’t deserve God’s love.
I don’t deserve anyone’s love. Maybe I can earn love. I hate myself. These
boil down to: I want more, I need more,
but I don’t deserve more.
When we have a high self-esteem, we think: I am so special. I am talented. I serve so
many people and do so many great things. I give so much of myself. God must be
so pleased with me. People should treat me better. I am so successful and I
should have more. I did this and that. I should get more credit. What a great
friend I am. I am so much better at such and such than so and so. I work really
hard. These boil down to: I want more,
I need more, and I deserve more.
For most of us, if we are not actively seeking God, it’s
like our minds and emotions are on a seesaw of self-hatred and pride. Our
thoughts are a jumble of both extremes, the common ground being the first
person singular pronouns and complete dissatisfaction. These thoughts are
focused on our feelings and our performance according to our standards, the
world’s standards, or our skewed view of God’s standards, and we are left
wanting more. No wonder we are so miserable and fight for joy much of the time!
Each of us is like a cup trying to fill itself with itself. Imagine that for a
second.
Nothing happens.
The cup just sits there empty. It’s completely ridiculous
for a couple of reasons. Firstly, a cup cannot be filled with itself. How could
that happen? A cup is not designed to be used to fill anything but to be filled. To be filled with itself, it
would have to lose its form and function. Secondly, a cup cannot do the action
of filling, period. It’s a cup, an inanimate object. Now we are obviously a lot
more than cups in many many ways, but similarly we were designed in a
particular form with purposes of our own. We were made to love and worship the
one true God, finding full contentment and joy in Him. We were created to live
in complete communion with Him, filled to overflowing with His Spirit, love,
joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.
When that communion was broken, we were emptied. Our nature became that of
trying to fill ourselves with ourselves and the cravings of our flesh in every
way we could imagine, digging ourselves deeper in sin. We remain empty. We
cannot satisfy ourselves no matter what we do. We were designed to be filled, not to fill. And not just to be filled, but to be filled with God by God. We can only receive what He freely gives us.
Now when we start to forget ourselves and instead set our
minds on God, we are then thinking about how great He is. How He loves and
provides. How He saves and protects. How he shows mercy and justice. How He
creates and shapes. How He plans and fulfills promises. How He takes away fear,
bringing peace and courage. Any thoughts that use the first person pronouns
have God in mind first and foremost. We think about how He wants to use us. How
He would have us love others. How He has designed each of us uniquely for His joy
and purposes. How He wants us to use the gifts and resources He has given. It
is in self-forgetfulness that we humble ourselves to receive Him. It is in serving,
worshipping, and loving Him that we begin to be filled by Him and with Him. It
is in fully surrendering our lives to Him that He frees us and fills us to the
very core of our beings.
It’s hard to think that in practicing self-forgetfulness you
won’t lose your identity along the way. Strangely enough, just the opposite happens
(more on that in my next post J).
For now, I leave you with a challenge: step
out of blissful ignorance. Pray for awareness and conviction. Be watchful for
selfishness in all its forms. It’s sneaky and quite skilled in disguising
itself. When you see it, call yourself out. Second part of the challenge: when
the sickening realization comes of how self-centered you are (oh, trust me, it
will come…), ignore the temptation of self-pity. Instead, practice forgetting
yourself. Praise God and give thanks to Him for His incredible mercy and love.
Ask Him to fill you, every thought and every action, with Himself. Look for
ways to deny self and love God by loving others. I will continue to do the same
and let’s see what happens.
-B
2 Corinthians 3:16-18
But whenever anyone turns to the Lord, the veil is taken away. Now
the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. And
we all, who with unveiled faces contemplate the Lord’s glory, are being
transformed into his image with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the
Lord, who is the Spirit.
